Learning Korean Culture

We started going to Korean church again this past weekend. I’ve attended a Korean church in the past, and I’ve been very cautious about getting involved again. Despite leading the English children’s service at the church we attended, I always felt we were outsiders, and sometimes the other Korean children looked down on my kids. I didn’t want to put them in a bad situation again. However, here in Guam, I felt this opportunity was right. The church offers everything in English and Korean and would like to expand its non-Korean membership. Through taking Korean classes and tutoring English, I’m already friends with many of the church members. Most importantly, we don’t otherwise have a church home on Guam. Guam is 99% Catholic and we aren’t! Indeed, the experience went well, and the kids really like Sunday school, so we will be going back.

However, as I sat in the church last Sunday, I felt a familiar feeling of "why am I doing this?" For sure, being around so much Asian culture has in no way made me anti-American. In fact, it really makes me appreciate US culture. However, having come from a very mainland white-American life, I know the way Americans can trivialize other cultures. I know because I did it! In college, I can remember making fun of the Asian grad students that were our lab teachers in college. Oh the shame to admit that! I guess my first experience of really getting interested in other cultures was when we moved to Washington DC and started the adoption process. Wow did that change my life. My co-workers were from Vietnam, China, Pakistan, India, China, and Korea. In addition, my husband started working for the US Attorney (Janet Reno at the time- such a wonderful person!). He traveled around the world with her and really came to appreciate her respect for people. When it came time to adopt, my husband was adamant that we travel to Korea. I wanted nothing to do with going to Korea. I was completely scared of going to Asia (even though I had been to Europe in college- but that was different!). After we traveled, I was so thankful that I went. I completely fell in love with Korea.

Now, I don’t think you have to cook Korean food or learn Korean, but I think it is helpful for adoptive families to have a real life view of Korea. At a certain point, a Korean child will have to be comfortable with being Asian-American. It may be more difficult for parents that don’t want to learn anything about Korea to understand this issue, and they may even harbor their own prejudices. I'm guilty of that! In the past, I know for sure I never used to check out Asian guys (wow has that changed!). I’ve had my friends from the mainland on Guam tell me they never check out the Japanese and Korean guys cause "there is nothing to look at." Of course, they don’t equate that to talking about my Korean son, but what happens when he is older and wants to date one of their daughters? It goes the same way with the chatter about the Asian girls. In fact that gets sickening! For sure, I don't view the world the way I did before.

It is that racial identity issue that I think makes it important for adoptive parents to fall in love with Korea at least a little bit. You don’t have to live there, learn the language, or like Korean food, but I do think it is important that you have some respect for the race. Again, I think the Korean dramas and movies are such a great way to make Korean culture real. Attending a Korean church or learning Korean isn’t for everyone (nor is being a drama addict like me!), but checking out a drama is an easy way for an adoptive family to move beyond the basics of bulgogi and the Tol celebration.